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Relationships
Relationships come in all sorts of shapes and forms. Usually intimate relationships involve a close relationship between two people of either the same or different sex, and a loving relationship can be extremely satisfying and a source of great happiness.
Inevitably there are highs and lows in every relationship but dealing with the lows can be hard, and often has an impact on other areas of your life so it’s important that relationship problems are tackled as soon as possible.
What can go wrong?
Trust
Problems involving trust can work both ways. You might feel as though your partner doesn’t trust you if they’re constantly checking up on you, reading your messages or accusing you of a wandering eye. It’s natural to find other people attractive when you’re in a relationship, but your partner might need more reassurance that this doesn’t mean you’ll pursue those other people.
On the other hand you might find it hard to trust your partner. Maybe you’ve had a bad experience in the past when a partner has been unfaithful and it can be hard not to let this affect current or future relationships.
Commitment difficulties and mismatched expectations
The clichéd perception of the commitaphobic man may be an exaggeration but commitment problems and mismatched expectations are common problems in intimate relationships. If one partner starts to dream of marriage, when the thought of settling down frightens the living daylights out of the other person it can be a huge source of tension and can create great rifts between the people involved.
Intimacy and communication problems
Intimacy extends beyond the sexual side of a relationship. Sharing our experiences and revealing things about ourselves that make us more vulnerable and interdependent are all intimate acts and can add great depth and satisfaction to a relationship. Problems can develop when one person’s intimacy needs are not met. This can simply be down to a lack of communication – people have different ideas of what makes an intimate relationship so it’s important to let someone know what you expect.
Infidelity
When someone in a relationship has an affair, it can be very difficult for all involved, especially when it follows a marriage of many years. There are lots of reasons that lead a person into an affair. It’s possible that the people involved are right for each other, but it also could be an outward sign of underlying problems in the relationship that need to be dealt with.
Individual problems
If one person in the relationship has a serious problem like depression or alcoholism, it can put a great strain on the relationship. They might be overly dependent or take their problem out on the other person. Openness in these kinds of situations is especially important. The more the problem is understood, the more can be done to try and help the person. Support is important for both people involved.
Changing role of men in society
The traditional set-up of man as the breadwinner while the woman stays at home with the children doing housework is, for many families, an outdated notion. More and more women are putting off children in favour of a career, and going back to work soon after a child is born. This can place new demands on men, both in terms of childcare and earning money. Feeling redundant or lonely in a relationship is very difficult. Talking through these things with your partner might help a compromise to be reached so that both your needs can be dealt with.
What can be done to help?
Often, talking through how you’re feeling and the problems you’re experiencing can help – it might be that the other person is completely unaware that there’s a problem. However, if you feel it’s gone beyond this, there are plenty of places you can get help.
Talking therapies: If the problem lies with one person, individual therapy might help, but couple counselling can provide a neutral setting that allows you to be open and honest with each other.
Self help: there are things you yourself can do to improve your relationship.
Developing your listening skills: so that communication lines in the relationship are more open and problems don’t get suppressed.
Writing letters to one another: It can be hard to express how you’re feeling, and some things are hard to say, so writing it down gives you a chance to think it through carefully and without interruption.
More information
- The Edinburgh Psychology Centre can help you. Contact us on 0131-668-1440 to find out more or to arrange an initial session.
- Alternatively you may wish to speak to your GP who should be able to refer you to someone suitable.
- See our links at www.edinburghtherapy.co.uk/links.htm for details of organisations who may be able to provide assistance or information.
Click here for a pdf version of this relationships information sheet.
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